7 tips to stop worrying (that actually work!)

Many people feel stuck in cycles of overthinking and worrying, leading to increased anxiety. Newer research shows that when you believe that worry is both helpful and uncontrollable, this makes you more likely to get stuck in overthinking. Let's have a look at how you can choose not to worry, and at the same time find out that worrying is in fact not uncontrollable (and neither especially useful).

1. Notice your trigger thoughts, and stop giving them so much attention

Your trigger thoughts are the thoughts that initiate your worrying. These can be thoughts about your health, job, children, finances, climate change, accidents, the future or even about the anxiety itself: “What if I have cancer?”,  “What if I can’t do my job?”, or “What if they don’t like me?” 

Many people exert a ton of effort trying to rid themselves of their trigger thoughts by thinking them out, reasoning with themselves, turning their thoughts into something more positive or realistic, distracting themselves, or finding solutions for every possible scenario. 

But the trigger thoughts aren't the problem - your response to them is. The thing is - you can’t decide what thoughts pop into your head — only what you do with them once they arrive. 

When you respond to your trigger thoughts by worrying, trying to find solutions, or pushing the thoughts away, this escalates and prolongs your anxiety, and leads to more trigger thoughts.

That’s why its helpful to leave your trigger thoughts alone rather than trying to problem-solve or distract yourself — you can turn your attention back to what you were doing before the thought came along.

Think of your negative thoughts as a ringing phone. Do you have to pick up just because its ringing? Negative thoughts are the same. You don't have to engage with them just because they're there. This might sound counterintuitive, since in most cases we have been told to do the complete opposite for so long, but negative thoughts aren't necessarily especially important, and they don't need to be processed. They will eventually move on by themselves if you just leave them alone.

2. Practice worry postponement to see that worry is less uncontrollable than you think.

Do you feel like you can't control your worrying, or that you can't just ignore your worries? Test worry postponement as an experiment.

Set aside a block of time to worry and ruminate. This is your worry time. You could set aside 15 minutes between 7pm and 7:15pm, for example. For the rest of the day, don't engage with your worries when they pop up. Just remind yourself that you can come back to them in your worry time.

You can think of your worries as fish hooks that you shouldn’t bite. Or a train you don’t need to board.

When it’s time for you to worry, you can indulge in these thoughts and brood, plan, or worry. If you don’t end up wanting to use your worry time, that’s totally okay. Most people don’t actually feel like worrying during their worry time. Often your worries don’t feel as urgent after some time has passed.

Worry postponement helps you discover that you have more control over the worry process than you might think. You're can't choose which thoughts pop into your head, but you're can choose when to worry, how much, and what to worry about.

3. When your trigger thoughts keep coming back, postpone dealing with them again

Remember: The negative thoughts aren't the problem - your response is.

So when the thoughts return, that's ok. Just let them. You still don't have to engage with them.

We're used to taking our trigger thoughts seriously, so it can seem counter-intuitive to leave them alone. But has worrying about your negative thoughts been helpful for you so far? If not, why not try leaving them alone for a while and see what happens.

4. Uneasy and anxious feelings? You don't need to do anything about them!

Many believe that feelings of unease and anxiety are important signals from your subconscious that need to be dealt with. This is a common misconception and is simply not true. Even more so if you suffer from an anxiety disorder. When you have anxiety, your brain will bring up anxious emotions more easily, and you keep feeding it by focusing on it. That’s why you may feel uneasy when there isn't any specific reason you should be feeling that way.

But when we are aware of a negative thought or feeling, we often have an urge to do something about it. And the only way we know how to fix it is by trying to actively change it, which is where things go wrong.

So what should you do instead? 

You actually don’t need to do anything with your unease. Postpone brooding over why you’re uneasy. Unease doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong. It doesn’t mean that you have to process the emotion, prepare, or stop what you’re doing. And it doesn’t mean that you have a real reason to worry.

Imagine having a cut on your finger. You put a bandage on it and trust that your body knows how to fix itself. It's a process you have no control over, and you know that if you leave it alone, you'll be fine in a day or so. But what if instead, you decided to take off the bandage and tried to actively 'help your body' heal by poking around in the wound? The wound would not heal — it would get worse.

Your mind is not any different. It doesn't need your help.

If you worry every time you feel uneasy or anxious, you’re inadvertently sustaining the feeling by feeding it. Practice leaving your worry and anxiety alone. If you can do that consistently over time, you’ll notice that unease and anxiety are feelings that come and go, just like any other feelings.

5. Distinguish between worrying and preparation

If there’s an obvious reason for your unease and anxiety, of course it makes sense to deal with the problem. But that doesn't mean you need to worry about it. What if you prepare instead? For many this means the same thing, but there is a distinction between worrying and preparation. 

If you’re about to have a presentation, what would you rather spend your time doing? Writing notes, or worrying? You can prepare without worrying. 

But you can’t prepare for everything. If you are facing something that you can’t prepare yourself for, it’s often best not to think too much about it, and instead try to live normally as best as you can. If you know that something painful or difficult is going to happen and you can’t do anything about it, why dwell on it and feel worse for longer? Often the best preparation is to not spend too much time stressing yourself out in advance.